Jump right in to ”the ten things that you did not know about me”. now someone's saying that I'm not a natural redhead, I – Part of me wishes that was the case, but I am definitely a natural redhead umm so there you go Alright. *Ten things you did not know about Caleb Maupin*. Number one: I once won a hundred dollahs for impersonating Elvis Presley. That's right! When I was a student I won a hundred bucks for my Elvis Impersonation. I dressed in the costume, I got a wig and I impersonated Elvis and I won, I won the school talent show. And uh ah, I, I, I... You know, It was a hit, it was on local-access television... ummm aaaannddd errrr... yeah, uh. That was- I was- That was 8th grade and I was... I brought the house down. Uh, Audience participation.... I did errr Elvis and I WON A HUNDRED BUCKS, and that was- that was a big deal, people talked to me about it around town for the next five years of my life iwouldgoeverywhereurrr ”You're that Elvis-guy? You won the contest dressin' as Elvis” and I was like ”I guess, yes I was the Elvis-guy”. I was the Elvis-Guy. I won a hundred bucks. And I actually- It was interesting because my grandmother uhh her minister at her church – she was a lutheran – Her minister... Heh... was eh also an Elvis impersonator, so he actually trained me to be an Elvis-impersonator. Ummm errr So uh I remember I went and umm... I went and sat down with the minister and... My grandmother's minister... and he... you know, he showed me what moves to make, how to shake my knees and the kind of things to do with my voice and the lip and I, I learned to be an Elvis-impersonator from my... my, my grandmother's minister, and that's how I ended up winning a hundred bucks. As an Elvis-impersonator. So there you go. I bet you never guessed that I won a hundred dollars for my Elvis-impersonation. But! That's why I promised you that this is a... This is a ”live” about ”things you did not know about me”. And you didn't know that.
Next one! *clicks pen *
I spent two weeks at Eagle Butte Reservation. I bet you didn't know that, right? But yes, uh... when I was a high-school student. I went and volunteered at Eagle Butte Reservation. That is a Native American Reservation... Ummm and ... I... I stayed there for two weeks... ''I helped clean out a graveyaaard, I worked in a community-center uhhmm it was quite an experience for me, to spend a lot of time on this reservation... Ummm, and... and uhh, it was quite an experience. It was quite an experience. I had never done that before. Ummm, and it was educational for me and I would see the ”AIM” newspaper for the American Indian Movement like in gas-stations... ummm... and there was kind of a pride in indigenous heritage uh the reservations were very divided, you had native americans that had converted to christianity, you had native americans that practiced indigenous religions... there was a big divide. A lot of Native Americans are in the US military, I didn't know y- I didn't know that. Ummm, errr, but yeah that was an experience for me and I am really glad that I had that experience. So... that was number two.
Number 3: I had an uncle who was in Hollywood movies. Bet you didn't know that, but yes... My uncle James, my mother's brother, uhhh he was a- he was a theater-professor in Chicago. And uhh... He had been in a number of movies, he had been in the movie ”A Bridge Too Far” … As an extra... err and he was in a number of Hollywood movies ummm he was in an episode of ”Chicago Story”, which as like a police show and err yeah, he had a lot of errr acting- acting gigs in TV and movies anduh he was kinda my heerow when I was a kid. Rightbecause I lived in a very very small rural area but he lived in CHICAGO – which was this big city. And I would go to his apartment with him and my aunt and I would see- they lived- they- in- in theater, they were in movies and they were livning in Evanston, which is in Chicago aaannnddd WOW! I was just... I was just in AWE of my uncle ummm... and he was, you know, he was in movies and he taught acting classes, he was an acting professor ummm and he actually DIED when I was 11 years old uh he had a heart-condition called marfan's syndrome [sic] umm and he DIED and uhhh and his memorial was very widely attended uhh aaannnddd uh he was a bag-piper uhm he played the bag-pipes umm and he... he... you know, because of his heart-condition, he couldn't ride a normal bicycle umm so he rode a recumbent bicycle and uh he actually biked around the world in his recumbent bicycle ummm, you know, so he was like, well-know as this, this, you know, promoter of recumbent bicycles, those are bicycles where you, instead of having the bars in fron of you, you have the bars behind you. So he was really a go-getter. He was somebody who did a lot of things. Umm and he eventually, you know he died at the age of forty-five, from his heart-condition. But he was kind of my hero, when I was a kid. Err and he was in movies and he was a professor and yeah that was my uncle. Ummm, I really looked up to my uncle. He wore a leather jacket. All the time. Ummm you know, he thought that was very cool. He wore a leather jacket- BUT HE DIDN'T WANT PEOPLE TO THINK HE WAS A RACIST – apparently a lot of biker-guys are. So he wore a leather jacket and he had this- this button with ”racism” crossed out on his leather jacket, so that noone would think that he was a racist. So he wore a leather jacket with this, you know, ”no racism” button on. That was my uhhh- that was my uncle. My uncle James, who dies when I was 11, and he was kind of my hero, so there you go.
ALRIGHT! Another thing I bet you didn't know about Caleb: Ummmmmm... That ummm... Hmmm... Which one do I wanna do next? I'm not doing these in any particular order. Ummm... OH! Well, I was given a shotgun when I turned 18. My grandfather- My grandfather... Loved shotguns. And when we would go uhhh visit my grandfather in Missouri, He- We would go shooting clay pidgeons, right, they had this errr this, this like errrr machine, that's like discs youknowyouknowyouknow ceramic discs and you would take the shotgun and you would *Pow * shoot the shotgun. Aaand it was a tradition in my father's family that anytime that you errr that that you turn- that a young man turned 18, my grandfather would give them a shotgun. So I remember that I was 18 and my grandfather gave me a shotgun and I... ha no- I had no desire to own a shotgun, so a soon as my grandfath- as soon as we were gone, I said to my dad… My dad turned to me and said: ”do you want the shotgun?” and I said ”no” and he said ”Ok, I'll get rid of it” and... My... I never- I never actually owned it, like I must've- I guess it was given to me and then my dad got rid of it, but yeah I had no desire to own a shotgun, but yes when I was 18 my grandfather errr made a BIG DEAL og giving me a shotgun, as he gave to almost every young man
ummm okay here's one thing I bet you didn't know about me, okay
I HAVE A THEORY ABOUT THE WASHINTAHN MONYUMENT. I have a theory. About the Washington monument. Right, now we all know – it's cliché – what does the Washington monument look like? Right? We all know what it looks like. BUT! There's more to that story: Folks who look into the life of George Washington – the father of our country – will know that George Washington's children were all adopted. Why? Because when George Washington was a child he had the measles. And it left him sterile. And George Washington unable to have an erection. Right?
GEORGE WASHINGTON WAS UNABLE TO HAVE AN ERECTION
So the statue... The Washington monument... Looks a lot like something that George Washington could not do! My theory has always been... That George Washington was... he was old... and he was sitting around in the bar with his friends. And they said: ”George, you have it all. You're the richest man in the 13 colonies... You the riches- you're the first president of the United States. You're the very prominent military leader; but there is one thing that all of us can do, that you cannot do: So when you die – As a joke – We're going to make a statue of THE ONE THING that you